Fabulousness

I feel kind of bad for having had such a good week this last week when so many people in a 100-mile radius are grappling with so much fire-related horror. (I'm thinking about taking volunteer training with the Red Cross so that the next time something happens -- and in Southern California there's always a next time in terms of natural disasters -- I'll actually be able to do something useful and not just engage in extensive hand-wringing.) But life for me in LaLaLand is just so much better than in Spookytown that it's ridiculous. The 31st marks my 2-month anniversary here, and while in some ways it feels like no time has passed, in other ways I feel at a huge remove from my Spookytown existence (not so much from my friends, who I'm mostly keeping up with by phone and e-mail, but definitely from my paying work there). I think that being completely uninvolved in the entertainment industry but continually adjacent to it is a real quality-of-life enhancer, absurd as that may sound. (Well, and also the spotting of the range of out-there SoCal types, even those unrelated to the biz, like today's beachfront long-haired model-type dude, in a long-sleeve quite tight fatigue t-shirt, ankle-high fringe brown suede boots, tight brown jeans, and a motor-powered skateboard that he somehow controlled from a remote in his right hand that was connected to the underside of his board via a long black tube.)(Why oh why have I not yet learned to always carry my camera with me?) Oh, and of course best of all is being in a department that is filled with top people in my field, all of whom say the nicest things to me, and teaching super-smart students who have great things to say in class. How lovely to go from an utter absence of intellectual stimulation and collective inquiry or respect for me and my work to one of the most vibrant places in the country where people actually care about and like what I do! Of course, all this has started to trigger the panic button of "how will I bear to leave it all?", but I am tamping down the feelings of horror and fear and will deal with all of that later.

Some highlights of the week, which I am going to try to revel in -- all those years of dwelling on the mistakes and lacunae and failings and what's missing and how I should be doing things better, not to mention the self-hatred, are hopefully behind me, and focusing on the positive really seems like a much better way to live.

• Dates with tall, handsome, charming, funny men who seemed to like me (although of course only time will tell)
• Hearing nice things from maybe 10 people (actually, even a few more, now that I think about it) about a talk I gave the week before
• Some absurdly cute clothing from a nearby thrift store and some yard sales -- although I am regretful that I told some colleagues that a new pair of pants are by a fancy Belgian designer named Sofie D'Hoore, since apparently they now have plans to say things like, "Oh, are those d'hoore pants?" when they see me on campus
• Winning 2 free theater tickets via the local paper, complete with free pastries afterward (the quality of the pastries sadly far better than the quality of the play)
• Having a fancy person ask my opinion on some amazingly interesting videotaped data that she has, prefacing it by saying, "you're such a good analyst, I can't wait to hear what you think" (!)
• Being invited to be a plenary speaker at a fancy conference next spring -- last time I spoke there I had filed the diss just 2 weeks previously and so was quite the peon, so it's a real step up
• Going to my hot yoga teacher's boyfriend's art opening, replete with fabulous gay and semi-gay men who told stories about the absurd celebrity behavior at their gym (they all go to the same one, about a mile from my place) and also had lots of stories on the theme "you think they're hetero but they're not." I may end up friends with one of them, he was the most fun (especially his impersonation of his mother's recently-deceased-but-deteriorating-for-many-many-years lap dog).
  
• Continued sampling of local sushi and Persian restaurants
• My real website, firstnamelastname.com, is getting between 2 and 8 hits a day for the last month now, with many people landing there through web searches involving my name, ergo not accidental hits. Yesterday someone at a fancy British university where I know absolutely no one downloaded all of my available writings. So cool! Sure I write and publish stuff and give talks, but I don't think of people actually knowing who I am or reading the things that I write, so learning that several people a day are actively seeking out my work is a real revelation, and gratifying to boot
  
• A nice party at a colleague's place where I got to know some people I see in the hallways a lot better (although I completely refused to do vodka shots, so maybe I lost some chances to learn even more about them). Sadly I seem to be showing my age and reverting to my Chi-town late-night lameness, that is, despite the 6 pm disco nap, I had to leave at midnight because I was so very tired. Admittedly, I got really not enough sleep the previous night, but even so...
  
• I did two headstands in yoga by myself. Two! It is a position that causes me great fear and anxiety, but now I am feeling quite proud and brave
  
• Many nice long-distance catch-up phone conversations and also some NY Times beachy catchup, although I was severely distracted by the repeatedly dive-bombing pelicans -- today was apparently a very good fishing day
  

It's all so very nice, I kind of just want to say "whee!" And such a vast improvement over how I felt two years ago this time -- of course, not being clinically depressed always preferable to being clinically depressed. Now I just have to figure out how to manage the burgeoning social life, especially with so many people living all across town and being perpetually busy such that it's hard to see them on a regular basis, and get back to eating healthy, and figure out how to exercise when the air is extra particulatey from fires, and oh, get lots of academic work done. But better to have a full plate than an empty one!